Up all night

It seems so far away to some. Distance and time wise. The mission trip to guatemala is coming fast. July 3rd really isn't that far away. For those that have not been, there is not anything to be connected to. You just have questions. You imagine what it is going to be like. For me and others on our team who are returning. We remember. We have part of our hearts down there and we want to go back to feel whole again.

I have been watching mission videos and looking at picture of the orphans in Guatemala. A lot of the kids I remember from the 08 mission trip. I remember William, a quiet boy, always had a look of sad insecurity. He would walk up to you and talk very quietly. Then there was Michelle. A very determined girl of about 12. Very smart. I remember not really liking her at first. She was very ungreatful and seemed rude. What I found out later was that yes she was all those things, but I was insecure about not knowing what to do are how to speak spanish. I had my heart all tied up in knots and didn't know how to love someone like that.

About half way through the week last year one of the translaters was walking with me to the hardware store. She started telling me about a girl there who had been abandoned by her parents. They left her and her older sister in the house with little food or anything. The neighbors heard them fighting with each other and went to investigate. They found the two girls home alone in this small house with no food. They were split up and put in seperate orphanages. One for older girls and one for younger children. There parent had abandoned them to go to the United States. This younger sister had successfully broke out a window of the orphanage and escaped that night. Not knowing how to get where she wanted she hunkered down in a doorway a couple of blocks away. Luckily the police found her and brought her back. This was Michelle and she wanted to be with her sister. The only family she has. Just thinking about this is bringing me to tears. I have four children of my own. I couldn't imagine leaving any of them for anything. These parent wanted to come here to find work and live the American dream. What they really did was create a nightmare for two little girls. This story of her abandonment allowed me to look past my own insecurities and love her. She looked different to me after that.

On the last day of the 08 mission we stopped at the baby home to play with the kids there. It was alot of fun. Then the nagging question started churning in my head. What are the stories of these children. How did they get there. There was the cutest little girl with one opeque eye. She was sleeping in one bed with three other sybling as a infant with her mother. One of her syblings rolled over and elbowed her in the eye. The mother, instead of taking her to the hospital, took her to a witch. This witch put drops in her eye that turned out to be an acid of some sort, thus burning the iris and making her blind in that eye. There was another little girl who was found in the dump as a new born and the stories just go on.and on and on.

I have to stop. I have been up all night. My heart hurts. I found out today that the little baby being held in the background of my profile picture died in November due to medical problems. I know she is with the father who loves her. But I am still sad. I know there are so many more out there that never get found. They die on the streets or in a garbage dump. They are turned into gang banger or child prostitutes. They live there young lives out without knowing love of parents or there one true father. It hurts. It just hurts my heart.

There is a saying that I heard.

" For those who know Jesus this is as close to hell as they will come. And for those who don't. This is as close to heaven as they will come."

My heart in broken and I want to go back now. July is so for away, and for me it can't get here fast enough.